My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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