Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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