Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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