I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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