apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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