You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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