i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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