maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize