I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
