So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
