Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
