remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
