so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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