my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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