she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
