we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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