She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize