My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it glows. i had to have it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
