Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
