Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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