I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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