i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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