whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize