hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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