I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
