I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
