Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Everything about him screamed your future.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
