I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
