i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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