dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
