I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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