it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
