i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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