barbara walters just said penis...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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