So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
