What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
