Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize