i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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