They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
