If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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