my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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