It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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