Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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