in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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