Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
