There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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