thus making me awesome and them whores
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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