I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
