so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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