I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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