so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Too much gin, very little bucket
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
