I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
