So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
