who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
