i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize