my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
