Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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