Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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