my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
