I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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