4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
