I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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