I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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