Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
