I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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