I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
