Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
