just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
how does that bad decision feel?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
