We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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