so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it glows. i had to have it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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