So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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