Screwed.edu
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
