I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
