I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
