Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
