someone threw a dead crab at me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
