Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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