so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
