And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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