We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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