First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
