I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
